Taxi Cab Mom

Ok, I stay at home with the kids, but I’ve been thinking about getting a part time job, because I get super bored while they are in school. I also get very depressed if I’m not around people. I would like this job to be flexible so I can take them to school, pick them up and be their slave for the rest of the day. I would also like to be able to watch them during the summer because they will kill each other without supervision and I’m too cheap to put them all in summer camps. Sooo….. I think I came up with the perfect job for me. Picture me doing this...I drop the kids off at school and then I slap one of those big magnetic signs to both sides of my van. The sign will read “Taxi Cab Mom”. I’ll advertise, hang out at the airport, try to pick people up at bus stops, you know, taxi things. I think this is perfect because I’ll be out and about and around people. I already envision myself chatting with all my customers and they’ll love it because I’m super friendly, which means they’ll tip well. I’m sure there may be folks that don’t like constant talking and when they ask me to stop talking I’ll start humming because this job is all about me and I’m doing it to talk to people, so if you don’t want to listen to me talk I’m going to hum. I’m thinking Christmas songs all year long, because they get stuck in your head easily and that will annoy the hell out of them. Stop harshing on my wants and needs. I think this will get me many repeat customers and lots of good word of mouth advertising. I’ve also decided that once I’m a small business owner the kids, including my own, will have to start paying me to take them to and from school. Am I right or what?

And Then There Was Light

Could use a little help here. Ok, I’m losing my mind. I’m chalking this up to no sleep, menopause, drugs I have taken (prescription ones, except for the brownies, but I don’t think they have such a long lasting effect. Besides those were medicinal and we all know that medicinal drugs never have bad side effects, especially the ones with chocolate.), getting older, and chemo brain (which I did some research on and found out it can take a very long time to end or possibly be permanent – great.). On a daily basis I forget everything, like (throw back to valley girl speak) everything, all the time. When I speak to anyone there will be at least one occurrence when I can't remember something. I recently forgot the name of one of my kids for an hour. I was stubborn and wouldn’t let anyone tell me what it was. Seriously, I should know what’s-her-name’s name. Everyone asks me which kid, and I can’t remember (that's a joke.). I can never remember the “right” word for something (I know this is a common problem for us aged folks). That leads to trying to describe the word. Which reminds me of a time in 8th grade when I couldn’t figure out how to spell the word “just” and started doubting that it was actually a word. I guess this forgetting thing has been going on for awhile. I couldn't find my regular McDonald's after dropping the kids off at school. I go to the same McDonald's every day. I was driving through my neighborhood and wasn't sure which street to take to get home. So yesterday, I stood in front of my closet and wanted to turn on the light. I stared into the closet and looked at the bulb and thought to myself, “how do I make that go on?”. I then remembered there was some sort of switch. I looked around and found the light switch right where it always is, you know, right by the outside of the door. I concentrated really hard on the switch to figure out what I was supposed to do to it to make it turn on the light. Look at the switch, look at the bulb. This switch is one of those that you push the bottom or you push the top, not a flip one. I tentatively reached out and pushed the bottom (which was already depressed), nothing happened. I then pushed the top. Ta-da! There was light! I was proud of myself for figuring it out, but at the same time confused and horrified. I know we all can say we forget things, but have you ever forgotten something so simple?

Summed Up In One Word

vagina